Lijah Hit the Lottery With His Dad

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I overheard my nephew asking Elijah if his dad “even buys him presents for Christmas?” He just kind of shrugged his shoulders and said “uh- I don’t know” and that was that. It really made me sad that he was even asked that question (my son and nephew both have some pretty crappy dads), and I couldn’t get it out of my head, and his sad response to it. It’s not like I didn’t realize his dad is a putz (I’m trying to be nice here), but I guess out of sight out of mind with him. He comes and goes in spurts, which really irritates me. I’ve told him so many times, in or out, but you can’t do both. Elijah used to ask about him on a regular basis, and now, not so much. He might mention him every now and again, but the mentions are getting fewer and farther between. I hate to even say this, but I’m glad that he is finally starting to see what a mope his dad is, on his own. I’ve never been one to talk bad about his dad to him (when he isn’t around though, well that’s another story) because I want him to realize on his own what kind of person he is, and not resent me in 15 years for talking smack about his dad. I think those days are finally here- I think in the past year he has talked to him about 4 times, and seen him none. Of course he hasn’t seen him in about 6 years, but that’s another story for another time. He doesn’t see him, and he doesn’t call. And when he does it’s always from a different number so I have no idea how to reach him if I wanted to. I think I’ve finally decided what the issue is. His dad friend requested me on Facebook earlier this year, and I saw a few of his posts were about a daughter that he’s been spending time with. I have decided that he can only be a ‘dad’ (and I use that term very loosely) to one child at a time. And that can be a little bit difficult when you have so many to choose from. I’m not sure on the exact number, but I *think* he only claims (again, a term I use loosely, like his belt buckle apparently) 3 or 4, although I know that there were more that have said he was the dad. I am apparently the only one who has filed for child support, which amazed me, and made him mad beyond belief when he first got served back in the day. When I’m lucky, I receive some on a fairly regular basis, and now I’m up to 20 bucks a week, so I’m super lucky, and just rolling in the dough (I know, I should just be glad I’m receiving child support, and I truly am, but $80/month is crap!)! I used to be angry, angry, angry at his dad at all times for being such an ass, but then I got over it and figured it was his loss. Every now and again, though, the anger just comes back with a vengeance (like now obviously) and I’m sickened at how someone can just ignore a child as awesome as Elijah. Thankfully though, I have an awesome family and my dad and especially my brother-in-law do an amazing job of trying to fill in the gap of an absent dad for Lijah, and they are much better role models anyways. However, it still doesn’t change the fact that I wonder what Elijah thinks is the reason why his dad doesn’t want to talk to him, or to see him. And kids should never have to wonder that. Ever. Sometimes I get mad at myself for even getting involved with him, and knowing it’s my fault Elijah has a crappy dad. But I know if I didn’t then I wouldn’t have such an amazing little boy to love, and I couldn’t stand not having him as a part of my life. I will never ever understand how someone can just willingly not be involved in their child’s life- it’s not natural. I’m still getting child support, so I guess he’s still alive and working on a regular basis. But I certainly wouldn’t know that by his involvement in his son’s life. I’m not really bitter, more disgusted by the way he chooses to live his life, and ignore Elijah living his. I’m sad that he even has to wonder about his dads love for him. Inside I’m a tiny bit happy I don’t have to *share* Elijah on the weekends (or any other time) with him, or share his hugs and kisses. Glad we have such a close relationship. Glad that someone as big as a mope as his dad, could give me something so amazing as Elijah!

I love that face!

I love that face!

14 thoughts on “Lijah Hit the Lottery With His Dad

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  4. Your dad and Dave are the best for him and he has great men and fathers to look up to. When he is older he will see all that you did for him and he will appreciate you even more. You are a great mom and despite the “mope” of a father…he is a wonderful and loving child and you now who did that…YOU and only YOU! :) Love you and Eli both so much.

  5. Stumbled across your blog today & I’m so glad I
    did. I have a 2 year old & separated from her dad in June.
    Since then, he only came once… Her bday… Full of gifts. It
    hurts me to think she may one day prefer the “good time dad bearing
    gifts once a year” over the “single mom getting no support
    struggling to keep it together much less shower in gifts”.
    Selfishly, I hope that one day she sees his true colors. I can’t
    speak ill of him to her & of course hope he gets better
    with time, but……. Yeahhh

    • Oh boy do I understand how you feel. I have felt guilty for feeling the way I do, and I know one day my boy will see everything for what it was. *sigh* Its the hardest thing, but worth it in the end. I’m so glad you stumble upon my blog today:) Sometimes it’s nice knowing someone else is in the same shoes we are and not alone, whether we know them or not :)

  6. The absentee dad is the worst. He is lucky to have a great role model in you. I am so proud of you because you are looking at the situation the right way. His dad gave you the best he will ever give in his life, your son. I grew up in a single parent home with a father that was absent for a different reason but I am a healthy well adjusted person with an advance degree so you can do this. You can guide your son into being the best of everything! Well done for being a model parent in a difficult situation.

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  8. I know exactly what you and Elijah are going through. Jada’s dad hasn’t seen or talked to her in months, which is nothing out of the ordinary, but this year he didn’t even call her on her birthday or Christmas. I had to find out from his mother that he lost his job, which would explain the missing child support for the last few months. Dan tries his best to be someone she can count on to be a father figure, the girl thing is so new to him though. I do know one thing, that girl is going to be the most protected sister ever with five brothers. I also know that eventually she will realize that her dad is best forgotten. It’s upsetting to me because she is smart and talented and he doesn’t even seem to care. Well there are plenty of people here for her that know how awesome she is. Elijah and jada are only a few weeks apart and I’m glad she knows someone in the same boat. You’re an awesome mom and he’s lucky that you are strong enough to be two parents!

    • Thanks Cory! You are an awesome mom too- you truly are! I will never get parents who desert their children (especially ones as awesome as ours! :)) And kudos to Dan for stepping in with your kids- I’m glad you found someone willing to do that! (You deserve to be happy girl!)

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