It’s Not ALL Fun and Games

After reading another fellow bloggers post yesterday, The Life of a Single Mom (great blog btw), it really got me thinking about how lonely it can be to be a single mom. I think about it, obviously, but it’s not something I voice on a regular basis. I was 22 when I got pregnant, lived in Chicago, and was ridiculously in love with his dad.  We had been together for about 3 years when we got the news, and although at first I was scared to death, we eventually started getting pretty excited. I had plans for a happily ever after- he had plans to have a child with someone else two months before Lijah was born. I moved back to Ohio with  my family, and started my own happily ever after. I still missed his dad of course, but I started making my own way (with MUCH help from my amazing parents). I had only two semesters of schooling under my belt in Chicago when I moved back to Ohio, and always had the intentions of going back. It took almost 5 years for me to get back, and I graduated (just last year!) with two Associates Degrees. During the 6 years I was going to school(slightly ridiculous), I worked full-time and went to school part, then switched to part-time work and full-time student status. Most of my friends were single and a few were married with children. The invitations slowly stopped coming in to go out with the single ladies- not by any fault of theirs, but because I always said no. I already felt guilty enough working AND going to school; I couldn’t justify spending more time away from him. Honestly, I didn’t want to either- he’s grows up way too fast.

I finally have a real grown up job (yay!) and am done with school. I have the perfect schedule; work 8a-4p, off weekends and major holidays and I don’t have to come home and hit the books anymore (double yay!!).  From the time I started school until I finished, my social life pretty much came to a halt. I dated a couple of guys in that time, but nothing really serious, and nothing in the last several years. Elijah is nearly 11, and his social life is definitely busier than mine. Now that my life is slowing down,  I’m also starting to realize just how lonely it is when I’m home alone and he’s out with his friends. His ‘life’ is just starting- it’s only going to get busier.

Don’t get me wrong I LOVE Elijah with everything I have in me and I wouldn’t change a thing from the last 11 years, but sometimes it’s really lonely. Sometimes I regret getting so out of contact with everyone and not trying harder to maintain all my girlfriends. I know that everyone is busy, we all have separate lives now, and it’s a two-way street; however, with that said I still miss the constant contact I had with them all. Although I don’t miss his dad and am completely relieved we are not together, I sometimes miss the companionship that we had. It was nice to have the comfortable silence you have with someone after being in a relationship for a while. I tend to have major trust issues, and it extends to more than just guys. So that can be a problem.

I usually try to keep my posts a little on the lighter side, but sometimes that’s not always possible. Life isn’t always light and happy, and I’d like to keep this blog as real as possible.