“Whose dad?”

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That’s what Elijah said this morning when I told him his dad had contacted me yesterday (Those were my thoughts

Said Elijah never...

Said Elijah never…

exactly, but I didn’t tell him that). Usually I’m not one to publicly talk down about him, but sometimes he gives me no choice. He has been around so little the last couple years, that when he does decide to pop in, he does it in such a dumb way. Elijah hasn’t heard from his dad in months. The last time I can clearly remember him talking to him was during football season. He may have called him on his birthday, but I think that he called him last year, not this past one. No card, nothing for Christmas. Yesterday I had seen a comment on my Facebook page from him that said something along the lines about him being  upset because he had called my phone to talk to Elijah and I had hung up on him. He figures I am upset with him, but I should still let him talk to his son. I can’t remember the exact words because I immediately erased it (hello drama!), but seriously? He hasn’t contacted ‘his son’ in months and months, and NOW he wants to get upset because he called once and I didn’t answer? I’m sorry, I think I may have lost my manners. (It’s very possible I did hang up on him. Sometimes when unknown numbers call I will either ignore it, or pick it up and hang up. But, hey idiot, ever heard of redial?? Or leaving a message?) Sometimes I actually feel sorry for him. Like does he actually believe he’s an amazing dad, and “I’m keeping his son from him”? Or that because he calls once every 6 months or so, that makes him awesome? Or because he pays roughly $18 a week in child support, that makes him a stand up guy? I mean, he does come from a completely different world than I do, he may very well think these things. And while that used to (and still sometimes, can’t lie) make me really angry, it also just makes me sad. How is it okay in his head the way he “fathers”? How is not seeing your child on a regular basis not slowly killing you a deadbeatdadquoteslittle bit on the inside? How does it feel knowing you have a child out there living life everyday without you? No talking, no seeing, no playing together. No hugs and kisses every night before bed. No random snuggles. No inside jokes that can make you cry with laughter, while people around you look confused. No special nicknames to call each other. No great memories that you hold dear in your heart. Nothing. As far as Elijah is concerned, he has a dad somewhere out there who doesn’t care enough about him to call. Because if he did, he would (Not things I have said, but Elijah is a smart kid. He’s 11, he comes to his own conclusions now). I warned his dad before, that the more he stays away, the less Elijah is going to want anything to do with him when he does come around.

While my last post about the awesomeness of Elijah’s dad was more angry and tear-driven, this time not so much. I’m a little sad that he thinks how he does. And I’m glad that Elijah isn’t being raised by him. He’s an amazing child, and deserves to have an equally amazing dad. He has plenty of healthy, present male role-models in his life, who care about him a great deal, and aren’t afraid to show it. Elijah and I had a great talk about his dad a few weeks ago, because I was worried that he would think it was somehow his fault his dad wasn’t around. And that would not fly with me at all. He said he sometimes wonders why he isn’t around, or doesn’t call, but not that much anymore. He said he knows it’s not his fault, and that’s all that matters to me. I used to make excuses all the time for his dad, and that wasn’t doing anything but making me resentful. I’ve finally stopped making excuses and just tell him I don’t know when he asks about him. I have no idea why he does what he does, nor do I care. As long as it doesn’t affect my son.

So true

So true

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5 thoughts on ““Whose dad?”

  1. Pingback: Here comes the ‘Mom Guilt’ | Chatter From a Single Mom

  2. I was raised by my mother, and my dad stopped calling because my mother kept “hounding” him about child support. Considering I was standing there, the “hounding” was – “will you be making a child support payment this month?” His answer was presumably “no” or “i don’t know” or whatever, couldn’t hear his end, only to her then handing the phone to me. So, even the fact that she would ask him if he was paying child support was considered mean and rude in his eyes. So, he stopped calling altogether. I’m sorry you and your son are going through this. It’s really rough.

    Stopping by from Our Everyday Harvest.

    April @ 100lbcountdown.com

    • Thanks for stopping by April, and taking the time to leave a comment. I feel a little bit selfish sometimes complaining about child support when I DO receive something, no matter the amount. I’m sorry that you had to deal with that- I had such an amazing father (and still do!) that my heart aches for people who weren’t as lucky as me to have such a positive figure in their life.

  3. As someone that grew up with a similar type of father, I’ll say this: it will affect your son. It will, and there is no way around that. But, because he has YOU, he will be able to move on from the dent his dad causes. Good for you.

    • Thank you 🙂 I know it will affect him- I just wish I could protect him from it. Or even understand how he feels. I have such an amazing dad, I can’t even imagine how he feels, and that’s the part I don’t like.

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