“Whose dad?”

Standard

That’s what Elijah said this morning when I told him his dad had contacted me yesterday (Those were my thoughts

Said Elijah never...

Said Elijah never…

exactly, but I didn’t tell him that). Usually I’m not one to publicly talk down about him, but sometimes he gives me no choice. He has been around so little the last couple years, that when he does decide to pop in, he does it in such a dumb way. Elijah hasn’t heard from his dad in months. The last time I can clearly remember him talking to him was during football season. He may have called him on his birthday, but I think that he called him last year, not this past one. No card, nothing for Christmas. Yesterday I had seen a comment on my Facebook page from him that said something along the lines about him being  upset because he had called my phone to talk to Elijah and I had hung up on him. He figures I am upset with him, but I should still let him talk to his son. I can’t remember the exact words because I immediately erased it (hello drama!), but seriously? He hasn’t contacted ‘his son’ in months and months, and NOW he wants to get upset because he called once and I didn’t answer? I’m sorry, I think I may have lost my manners. (It’s very possible I did hang up on him. Sometimes when unknown numbers call I will either ignore it, or pick it up and hang up. But, hey idiot, ever heard of redial?? Or leaving a message?) Sometimes I actually feel sorry for him. Like does he actually believe he’s an amazing dad, and “I’m keeping his son from him”? Or that because he calls once every 6 months or so, that makes him awesome? Or because he pays roughly $18 a week in child support, that makes him a stand up guy? I mean, he does come from a completely different world than I do, he may very well think these things. And while that used to (and still sometimes, can’t lie) make me really angry, it also just makes me sad. How is it okay in his head the way he “fathers”? How is not seeing your child on a regular basis not slowly killing you a deadbeatdadquoteslittle bit on the inside? How does it feel knowing you have a child out there living life everyday without you? No talking, no seeing, no playing together. No hugs and kisses every night before bed. No random snuggles. No inside jokes that can make you cry with laughter, while people around you look confused. No special nicknames to call each other. No great memories that you hold dear in your heart. Nothing. As far as Elijah is concerned, he has a dad somewhere out there who doesn’t care enough about him to call. Because if he did, he would (Not things I have said, but Elijah is a smart kid. He’s 11, he comes to his own conclusions now). I warned his dad before, that the more he stays away, the less Elijah is going to want anything to do with him when he does come around.

While my last post about the awesomeness of Elijah’s dad was more angry and tear-driven, this time not so much. I’m a little sad that he thinks how he does. And I’m glad that Elijah isn’t being raised by him. He’s an amazing child, and deserves to have an equally amazing dad. He has plenty of healthy, present male role-models in his life, who care about him a great deal, and aren’t afraid to show it. Elijah and I had a great talk about his dad a few weeks ago, because I was worried that he would think it was somehow his fault his dad wasn’t around. And that would not fly with me at all. He said he sometimes wonders why he isn’t around, or doesn’t call, but not that much anymore. He said he knows it’s not his fault, and that’s all that matters to me. I used to make excuses all the time for his dad, and that wasn’t doing anything but making me resentful. I’ve finally stopped making excuses and just tell him I don’t know when he asks about him. I have no idea why he does what he does, nor do I care. As long as it doesn’t affect my son.

So true

So true

Lijah Hit the Lottery With His Dad

Standard

I overheard my nephew asking Elijah if his dad “even buys him presents for Christmas?” He just kind of shrugged his shoulders and said “uh- I don’t know” and that was that. It really made me sad that he was even asked that question (my son and nephew both have some pretty crappy dads), and I couldn’t get it out of my head, and his sad response to it. It’s not like I didn’t realize his dad is a putz (I’m trying to be nice here), but I guess out of sight out of mind with him. He comes and goes in spurts, which really irritates me. I’ve told him so many times, in or out, but you can’t do both. Elijah used to ask about him on a regular basis, and now, not so much. He might mention him every now and again, but the mentions are getting fewer and farther between. I hate to even say this, but I’m glad that he is finally starting to see what a mope his dad is, on his own. I’ve never been one to talk bad about his dad to him (when he isn’t around though, well that’s another story) because I want him to realize on his own what kind of person he is, and not resent me in 15 years for talking smack about his dad. I think those days are finally here- I think in the past year he has talked to him about 4 times, and seen him none. Of course he hasn’t seen him in about 6 years, but that’s another story for another time. He doesn’t see him, and he doesn’t call. And when he does it’s always from a different number so I have no idea how to reach him if I wanted to. I think I’ve finally decided what the issue is. His dad friend requested me on Facebook earlier this year, and I saw a few of his posts were about a daughter that he’s been spending time with. I have decided that he can only be a ‘dad’ (and I use that term very loosely) to one child at a time. And that can be a little bit difficult when you have so many to choose from. I’m not sure on the exact number, but I *think* he only claims (again, a term I use loosely, like his belt buckle apparently) 3 or 4, although I know that there were more that have said he was the dad. I am apparently the only one who has filed for child support, which amazed me, and made him mad beyond belief when he first got served back in the day. When I’m lucky, I receive some on a fairly regular basis, and now I’m up to 20 bucks a week, so I’m super lucky, and just rolling in the dough (I know, I should just be glad I’m receiving child support, and I truly am, but $80/month is crap!)! I used to be angry, angry, angry at his dad at all times for being such an ass, but then I got over it and figured it was his loss. Every now and again, though, the anger just comes back with a vengeance (like now obviously) and I’m sickened at how someone can just ignore a child as awesome as Elijah. Thankfully though, I have an awesome family and my dad and especially my brother-in-law do an amazing job of trying to fill in the gap of an absent dad for Lijah, and they are much better role models anyways. However, it still doesn’t change the fact that I wonder what Elijah thinks is the reason why his dad doesn’t want to talk to him, or to see him. And kids should never have to wonder that. Ever. Sometimes I get mad at myself for even getting involved with him, and knowing it’s my fault Elijah has a crappy dad. But I know if I didn’t then I wouldn’t have such an amazing little boy to love, and I couldn’t stand not having him as a part of my life. I will never ever understand how someone can just willingly not be involved in their child’s life- it’s not natural. I’m still getting child support, so I guess he’s still alive and working on a regular basis. But I certainly wouldn’t know that by his involvement in his son’s life. I’m not really bitter, more disgusted by the way he chooses to live his life, and ignore Elijah living his. I’m sad that he even has to wonder about his dads love for him. Inside I’m a tiny bit happy I don’t have to *share* Elijah on the weekends (or any other time) with him, or share his hugs and kisses. Glad we have such a close relationship. Glad that someone as big as a mope as his dad, could give me something so amazing as Elijah!

I love that face!

I love that face!